FEAR NO CHILD

video blog feb 1, 2011

Miseasa — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 17:01:00 GMT

Have you been wondering what happened to me? This video update may shed some light on things!

Audition video for Oprah Winfrey

Miseasa — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 11:58:00 GMT

I am sorry for the link that I posted that was "dead". This one is corrected!

Please take a moment to view my audition video! My concept for a TV talk show is a traditional style talk show that is specifically about people with mental differences. It would include advocacy, diet tips and cooking, showcasing special families etc. Please vote now and vote often!!!

http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=add_video&entity_id=208221048

Miseasa_videoblog1

Miseasa — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 17:21:00 GMT

I'm ranting about services!

Living life to its fullest

Miseasa — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 08:20:08 GMT

Today I talked to my boys about making their own happiness. I think it worth sharing.

Each of us, whether we have a diagnosis or not, has to choose what path we follow.

If you view an issue as a "problem", then you will mentally develop an attitude of entitlement. People need to care for someone who has a problem!

If you view an issue as an opportunity for growth and a challenge or puzzle that requires a new solution, you will develop an attitude of self determination! You see an issue, and you make it right for yourself.

Look, we all have our good days and bad days. Sometimes its easier to wallow in self pity than pick yourself up by the bootstraps. Don't let this become a way of life!

We can raise our special kids believing that their is something wrong with them, or something different about them. The difference between the two is HUGE!!! We tell our boys that they are mentally different, not disabled or challenged.

Now for the case in point!

Jim has no mid-line shift in his brain. Basically, his left brain and right brain don't communicate. This is a necessary communication for anything artistic, compound or complex. Graphing, various math problems, writing letters etc. He recently took the advice that I posted above and used it!

He had a complex task to complete at school. He broke the task into 2 parts, and mentally place the first complete part into his hand and held it there while he completed the second part. Then he put the 2 parts together!

Pretty damn creative huh??

If a 15 year old can figure this stuff out than so can you! Give yourself the opportunity to look at your issue and put it into positive words. Just like the behavior plans that I write, turn each negative thing into a positive statement! Instead of "I can't do this because I have PTSD". Think instead (and say it outloud if needed) "This will be a challenge because of my PTSD, but I know that I can get it done."

Hell, occasionally I have to give myself the speech of "Look! It doesn't matter if you can't do it, it still needs to be done so just shut up and do it! Worry about it being impossible after you finish it!!"

Dreams of our children

Miseasa — Sat, 29 May 2010 14:26:00 GMT

William has finally received a discharge/admission date for his move from residential to a group home! We are anxiously counting down the days to his transition, which he has been ready for for months.

OK, maybe a little background information would be nice.

For those of you who don't know, we were put in a position one year ago in march where we had to choose to move William out of the house for the safety of his brothers. William has very violent tendencies, and one night he targeted his younger brother and was going to kill him. Fortunately for all of us, his brother runs faster and was able to get away. To this day I have no doubt that William would have attempted, and possibly succeeded in his plan if he had gotten ahold of his brother.

We chose at that point to make the hardest decision a parent can ever make. We chose one son over the other for the sake of both of them. We knew that we could place William in a safe environment that had the supervision he needed, and we knew that we could keep his brothers safe if we were not competing with William. So the choice was easy, though making the decision was heartbreaking.

So here we are one + years later. The two brothers get along like they are best friends! William does not hate us for our decision, we have worked hard to assure him that he is loved and valued. We have family times together like we have never been able to have until now. It is all rather nice and serine!

So now our boy is moving to an adult group home! (He is 18 now afterall!). He will share an apartment with 3 other guys in a house that has 2 apartments and a "common area" for therapy and such. It promises to be an amazing step forward for him! Independence and oversight to teach him how to navigate the real world (which is totally different in the mind of a Schizophrenic).

I am so proud of him! He has matured greatly in the past year, sadly he has also seen things that a protective parent does not want for their child. Where he has been living there have been multiple shootings (one that he witnessed) as well as thefts. There are alot of fist fights that occur on a regular basis (which he now considers entertainment). But he has held up well and learned alot. He has taken from this, the fact that fighting is overrated and that most things that people fight about aren't worth the time. He is a changed man!

And soon, VERY soon, he will be an independent man. Something that I never thought I would see for my autistic/schizophrenic child. I am truly blessed in this world!

Tough Times

Miseasa — Sun, 23 May 2010 00:58:00 GMT

So I must apologize for the lack of posts lately. Its been a rough time. My 15 year old discovered the wonders of drinking alcohol. NOT a good combination with depression and anxiety! Between finding this out, and having a difficult time with my boss at work, I quit my job. I really felt that I was needed more at home. I have always struggled with being a working mother with my kids needs, and this was finally the straw that broke the camels back.

This may have been a good idea if we had another way to keep our insurance and keep food on the table! Marks work is managing to keep the food there, but the bills are piling up and without insurance I have been without my antidepressant for a month now.

So now what do I do?!?!?

I am in the process of getting a per diem job, and that will most definitely help! But as we come into summer, with my 18 year old becoming less interested in his family, my 15 year old wanting to hang out with his friends (and apparently drink) and my 9 year old becoming more and more obsessed with video games how do I rationalize to my heart that I need to work when I really feel that raising these boys should be the most important job I can do??? At the same time how do I rationalize in my brain that being homeless is not a good way to raise boys either??

So here I am in a quandry. And in a VERY guilty way, I am enjoying not working! I've been doing housework, cooking real meals, actually spending time with the kids. I'm even chaparoning field trips this month! It feels SOOOO good, and SOOOO bad at the same time!

I'm a bit confused!

So while I try to sort out my unmedicated emotions, I will try to get back on the stick and post some blogs, I know that I have neglected my internet family, and I am so sorry for that! You would think that with all this spare time on my hands I'd be writing more huh?!?!

Thank you all for your understanding!

Peace!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

Miseasa — Sun, 09 May 2010 18:52:00 GMT

In my coveted display cabinet, amongst the Winnie The Pooh and Barbie collectibles that my children are forbidden to touch, are the small gifts that I have received over the years from my dear ones.

Every mother has this collection. The Cracker Jack toy that he "just knew" you would love! The dollar store specials that say "Mother". Each one holds a special place, and each one is as valuable as gold to me. But there is this one.....

I have a stick! It is an amazing stick! It is the most beautiful stick that any mother could ever imagine receiving as a gift! It was from William.

This was my Mothers Day gift several years ago.My William, knowing how proud I was of him for being a Cub Scout, went into the woods and picked this stick just for me! Then he asked his Dad to help him whittle it, he drew his love note on it and wrapped it up for me.

Mothers Day, and really any holiday, is not about how much you receive, what you receive or how much money was spent. It's about someone loving you so much that they went out of their way to do something nice for you. All of the wood in our woodstove cannot warm me the way this small stick does every time I look at it. It is one of the niceset gifts that I have ever received!

Speaking Autistically

Miseasa — Sun, 09 May 2010 18:37:00 GMT

I apologize to those of you who have already read this post, because of the changes in our site recently, I lost all of my previous blogs, I was able to save this one only because Hubby had me write it for him to print up. I am still hopeful that I will be able to recover the others.

SPEAKING AUTISTICALLY

By Mark and Melissa Carilli

www.fearnochild.com

When a child is learning how to speak, we teach them what we want them to say, either by demonstrating or showing them. For an autistic child, this teaching does not stop with simple words. Our autistic children need to be taught many of the things that other children know simply by watching. Emotions or feelings are learned much like “normal” children learn math. This is why parents who have autistic kids become translators for their child’s world.

When William or David entered a crowded room as young children, they would either hit themselves or begin screaming loudly. We needed to pull them from the environment and process it with them quietly. “William, do you feel a funny feeling in your stomach? David, did your heart start beating really fast? Did you feel all sweaty? Yeah honey, that’s called being nervous or anxious. When you feel that way, you need to go to your teacher, or Mommy and Daddy and say ‘I feel nervous’ then we can help you out.” By learning their language, we were able to teach them how to put acceptable words and coping methods to their emotions rather than using their language of inappropriate actions. We could also explain their odder behaviors to their teachers so that they could help too. We essentially taught them our language. We also became translators around people who didn’t know their language, or simply didn’t understand.

As these translators, we are put under great scrutiny. We have had protective services called on numerous occasions because someone did not understand our children. In the end, on each occasion, once the Social workers took the time to understand our children’s language and differences, they were satisfied that these were miscommunications caused by a language barrier.

Children who come to our country who do not speak English are placed into groups to teach them how our language and culture work. We teach them in their language to understand ours. We grant them the opportunity to learn what we take for granted. We don’t create behavioral plans for these children. We do not punish them for not understanding our basic language. We do not ostracize them for their lack of understanding; we embrace their differences and work with them to help them learn our culture and language.

As the arrogance of our country consumes our lives, we do things such as speaking slowly to a person who does not speak English. We take an upper hand to someone of difference by speaking to them as if they are incapable of understanding, not just unable to understand what we have said. If you were suddenly dropped in the middle of a Spanish speaking country and asked to use the bathroom, would you want the person to laugh at you, acting as though you were simple or ‘stupid’? What would you do next? Would you hold yourself? Would you give visual cues of your needs? And this Spaniard may laugh at your ignorance of his country, language etc. How would you feel? How would you cope with this?

Autism may not be a country. It may not really be a language of its own, but it might just as well be. Our kids are unable to understand the language cues that other kids do, so why should we treat them as if they are incapable instead of teaching them as if they are from a different place? Are they mentally slow or just mentally different? Are children from other countries mentally slow or mentally different? They have learned differently, it is not that they have not learned at all. Yet the school’s single our special children out. They move them into self contained classrooms, or “special” schools. What about least restrictive environment? Do these children of difference need a different environment or simply a different approach?

Education of our children needs to start with finding the common language that they speak. Once the educators get past this first hurdle, the rest will be much easier for them to understand.

Once our children go to school, they are grouped with these children who have learned the social cues that hold their language together. Autistic children cannot compete with this linguistic edge and fall behind. Teachers and Paras expect these children of difference to speak the same language while the parents and caregivers continue to speak autistically. Children with autism use physical cues, sounds, motions and other words to describe their feelings, thoughts and ideas. Our job as parents of “children of difference” is to educate and advocate. We must educate the educators in the ways of our children. Your kids may be different than mine. Their language may have a different dialect, but we are still on the same track. Teach your children’s teachers what your child’s language is. If they don’t listen, bring it to PPT. Make the changes that are needed.

We have done a lot of work with William to teach him the words that apply for various emotions. It has always astounded (and frustrated) us that there is one emotion that we have been unable to teach and that is the emotion of embarrassment.

How wonderful it must be to not have that emotion! You don’t care what you say to someone or how you act in public. It is amazing, but socially inappropriate. We continue to battle this even though he is now an adult. Where we were once able to explain to people that he doesn’t understand the concept and therefore does not know how to curtail these things, he is now out in the “real world” where we cannot translate for him. He is now in a world that he must navigate on his own.

Changes! Changes!

Miseasa — Thu, 06 May 2010 23:31:00 GMT

Hi all!

I know that it's kind of a pain in the butt, but I have been continuing to make changes to both the blog site and the websites. My hope is to make everything easier to navigate as well as manage, but right now nothing is quite where I want it to be.

Please be patient, I will have a new post up in the next day or so, and I will continue to work on my little glitches!

Thank you all for your support!

Peace!